I'm a self proclaimed recluse now - incommunicado with most of my friends, former acquaintances. I am just tired of answering the question, "Where do you work?" which is immediately followed by "Why am I not working?" The already small social circle is diminishing at an alarming rate now.
Just so we can set the record straight I'm very much employable and in the job market, much more than most of you who have posed this question to me. I am not trying to be rude here while stating this but just getting the facts right.
So, why does this kind of conversation get on my nerves? Times have changed and I'd rather not compare our parent's generations with that of ours. On the lighter side, being an Aquarean means there is some part of insanity built in. On a serious note, it takes me down the depression trajectory. I'm not looking for sympathy because there is no sacrifice being done here, so please don't make me a martyr. I did not trade my career for Lil General.
If people cannot come to terms with the fact even after 9 months that I am a mom and will be home (or as the fancy jargon goes for people like me stay-at-home moms) taking care of Lil General and feel bad for my situation every time I talk to them, then I'd rather keep away from such company.
For us there was never a if-else-if or choices in raising Lil General. After I conceived, we never discussed as to which parent would come over or if we would hire a full time nanny to take care of the kid. This debate never happened - amongst us or with rest of the family. It was a given that I would quit and stay home - not a forced one but something that I was more than willing to. Find some sanity for a while away from the rat race.
I have never experienced this before so I am not going to make it sound like this is all hunky-dory. Life has changed dramatically, more than anyone can take. Its a huge change from being busy for 7 years to staying home for starters. And to add to it, doing household chores from the crack of dawn until the half the world goes to sleep. Midnight feeds and changing diapers feels good initially but MONOTONY creeps in sooner than later. There are days that don't begin because the previous one never ended. And ones that never end. There are phone calls I miss, birthdays I forget, days when I don't look in the mirror and some that goes by without talking to anyone apart from V. And afternoons when I feel like resting my bones, LG is hyperactive playing merry go round around the bed that I can't catch a wink. And the BIG FAT pay package gone. Who said it was an easy ride? It would be inhuman if I just switched roles from a career woman to one like an experienced nanny overnight. Once a decision taken, I'd rather not weigh in my options in every conversation. But whats important is that I'm ok with all of this. This hard work doesn't earn me a penny but it gives me that million-dollar smile.
Call me foolish, call me outdated, call me whatever you would like but spare me the routine of asking that same damn question over and over again as to why I am at home taking care of Lil General. Parenting does not seem like a lucrative career option. And lets not forget the social standing among the corporate friends where you are judged by the double income.
Why am I doing this?
- Family matters. Period. A great deal of time and energy is lost when both couples work. "Send your child to the best day care and he will send you to the best old age home in town", i read somewhere. I am not looking for LG to take care of us in our old age - this is not a deal.
- I'm too possessive and protective to let him grow at the hands of anyone else for now.
Maybe I will go back to work when I feel he has grown enough and I feel comfortable. Maybe not. until then please don't make it sound like parenting was too lowly a job to have traded my career for.