Lighter side of life
There are always good things happening in life to balance the "not-so-good" ones.
Caught up with a friend from college. She is coming down to Chicago for the long weekend. Coaxing one more friend too to join us. Would be fun if it materialises. Lets see!

Unspoken words
Staying apart from him hurts!
External happiness, internal sadness.
Feign a smile all thr the day. Deadly solitude in the evenings kill.

Wonder IF with time -
i would stop being sensitive
don't miss loved ones
don't care to give a call 2-3 times a week as i do
wouldn't want to know if all is well
my ears wouldn't long to hear that "I miss you"

Is it being stoic, no i think its being human!

Questions such as
Why am i doing this?
For whom are we staying apart?
Is it worth the sacrifices?
What brings me to this alien land away from the place where i love to be?

keep crossing my mind everyday. I know its all circumstantial and just a phase of life.

What scares me is i don't want this phase to become my LIFE. I don't want years to pass by saying "This time too shall pass". I know time does pass but it changes the person you are!

Bullets-Brains, Fury-Fright, Havoc - Helpnessness

40 days is a long time for not updating my blog. Am back at U.S and i find time to write ! Strange as it may sound but can't squeeze in 10 mins during my busy schedule @ Bangalore to post a few lines. So here i go a after a brief hiatus!
The 1 month that i was gone to India gave me mixed experiences.

Mad Days
Happiness off the job has a lot to do with happiness on the job n vice versa. You are on the edge when off-the-job and on-the-job is over demanding. 7a.m.-10p.m. mad days for the past 1 week is taking a toll physically n emotionally.
Weekend despite the crazy mundane work has its highs.
Reading H.B.R after a long day is soothing to the grey cells. The article on "how top managers are a complete misfit in their positions" is well written.

Imagine........
1. Bedroom to face west so that sunlight doesn't creek in thr the windows at 6 a.m. onto my face.
2. A hot cup of Cappuccino with Vanilla flavored creme served at bed every morning.
3. The day to start at 10 a.m. and end at 5 p.m.
4. A perfect set of people to work with, not morons!
5. Steaming delicious lunch served at office
6. Work place that is just a 10 min walk from home.
7. Evenings spent on a hammock with a cup of tea and a book.

Knock knock ...wake up from the utopian world and back to wok.....i come crashing down :(
Irony is, there is nothing called perfection and satisfaction

Smile
Good work puts a smile on my face. You may think i have gone nuts! But the fact is that "feel-good" factor at work has a lot to do with the way i feel at home. A day of good work keeps the mind @ home :) Wonder why setbacks are so upsetting and ican't laugh away at the troubles?
Today I smile, he smiles, they smile back. Feel a lot better this way.

Smile...UB40
I love it when you smile
When you're with me honey
It happens all the while
How it kills me when you cry
And you know my heart
That's no word of a lie

Learning how to smile
Life just keeps on gettin' weirder for us every day

You say there is no perfect place, I say I know this is true
We are just learning how to smile
That's not easy to do
We both live for the day
When we can run away

Oh baby we can leave and run away
Yes we can leave this place and run away
We can leave it all behind like we do every time
Yes we both live for the day
When we can leave and just go runnin' away

Midday break
A midday break can do wonders. My mood has changed from irritant to a jubilant one. The inputs are still the same, no variants whatsoever! However the output has undergone a dramatic change! Thanks to my earlier post, the molten lava inside me just ebbed quietly.
Am all charged up to do the things i would love to and here they are:
1. Go on one of those quiet long evening walks we used to in the initial days of our marriage.
2. Stay up late with the Rolls Royce book.
3. Listen to 91 FM.
4. Experiment some new dish @ home and not worry about the comments.
5. Take socialising out of mind and not bother to call up people and adorn one of those artifical lip stretches (smile, i meant)
6. Dine in at a quiet place, away from the traffic mania of the city.

Professional Paradox
Current mood : Irritant.
A few classical paradoxical statements made to me in the past 4 years.

"You are doing well. Your work is appreciated. "
Result : No promotion.

"You would have to travel to jhumrithaliya within the next 2 weeks. Do u mind?" I reply "No" consistently and patiently for the past 3 years. Stay happy with the virtual travels to exotic locations (after all not everyone gets such a chance, do they?)
Result : Gain the credential of being the only 1 of 50 to be still with the organisation and not travel.

"I would like your comments or suggestion on what can be done to improvise the processes"
I would be too glad to do so.
Result: Fool for having done so and let a asshole take the credit.

Lesson:
Assholes are there everywhere and so is politics. So why not experience politics at a different place with a different set of f**ers.

Recognition, Awards, Promotion - does it make a difference?
It makes a difference when you have worked hard to earn it. It has a lot of meaning when it comes at the right time.
Its one's way of telling aloud "You are GOOD".
Awards and promotion become a mockery when you get one after ages of hard work!
And when you get it, you start wondering "when did i last get one?"

Weekend of mixed feelings
The feeling was good to see mom and Pravin after a long time. They could partially fill in the emptiness of Dad. Yes, it feels bad when you see your dad for a day in 2 years. Life moves on and so do we.
Mom had made yummy food that couldn't stop appreciating it. Can feel the bridge between Vivek and mom slowly closing down.
The journey back to Bangalore from trichy on the dirty last seats of a local bus with its bumpy rides will never be forgotten. Empathy with Indians is the last thing one can expect. "I will lay back on my seat , i don' care whether you goto hell" is the attitude :)

"Harry Potter and the order of Phoenix" is making waves in the publishing industry. Since the stroke of midnight on 21st June, the yellow or blue wrapper book can be found in ones hands sans age barrier. However people who have managed to read the 846 page book claim that it is not all that interesting as its predecessors.

Quote of the day : Those who know don't speak.

The fun is over!

:( 75 day vacation has ended. Today is my 3rd day at work and doesn't feel great to get back to work! Human mind after all - never satisfied with the present. Not exactly swamped with work but some junk keeps my tiny brain churning thr the day.
I must admit now that the vacation did a lot of good to me and it was fabulous. Had i been running a company i would promote the concept of a 2 month sabbatical once every 5 years. I have heard Intel does that!
The lag this time stretched a bit too far. The 20 odd hour flight from Boston to Bangalore was uneventful. However, we were happy for we travelled together. Dad and Pravin were there to receive us at that odd hour. Felt good for your family is always tehre when you need them! And some friends too! The harsh relaity of having stepped foot in India hit us when we had to get our baggage thr the customs. For them - Asking for money is a ritual, people traveling into the country pluck money from the lush green prospering lands of the west. They are the only ones who toil hard to earn their money, ofcourse yes it takes a lot of energy to ask for more as $50 is too humiliating, isn't it?
Sleep induced by pills continues...Stark differences between the two worlds is prominent sometimes :( The to-do lists are already growing.