Descent inot darkness
Working into the wee hours this Halloween weekend, it was truly a descent into darkness. Descent in every aspect - all our efforts to meet the goal did not succeed! Partly lack of the 3Cs - coordination, communication and commitment accounted to the failure. Its all a part of the big game. But strangely it has given me an immense confidence to get this thing going and an inner strength not to lie down until the task is finished - so typical of me. mmm...that was the darker side.

The brighter side was the V had come down. And we spent soem amazing time in the limited hours i got to spend with him.

Freak week
Solitary Saturday - Anticipating a hectic Sunday i decided to stay indoors Saturday. Felt so good lazing around most of the day. Didn't read any books, watched TV most of the day munching junkies. Went to the library and got a whole lot of books. One book worth mentioning is "Rolling with the Stones". This book is so huge and a funny thing happened - the guy at the counter looks at it during the regular security check and sighs.."hmm...impressive..so how long do you think will you complete it within". Well he didn't know i was issuing it for V. I got loads of mushy ones for myself. They are good enough to cheer me up on a low day like today!

Then in the evening took a stroll to capture a few images on the digital camera of the beauty of fall. Don't get to see much, living in downtown but its amazing how the leaves change their colors and the trees shed their leaves. No wonder why fall is considered so beautiful. I would love to drive by the countryside ..its a shame that i don't know how to drive yet!

Good Will Hunting - starring Matt Damon. I will rate it at 5. A classic movie! I don't know how many of us can relate to Will's character. Unlike Will, i grew up in many places and still was in such a enclosed overprotected life that it was so difficult to trust anybody or open up later. Its a amazing movie and a must-see.

Horrid Sunday - It was a nightmare the minute i set out that cold morning. I didn't expect the western suburbs to be so cold. Neither did a expect a kaalu to scare the hell out of me. I went on this adevnture trip to buy a coat for V and a comforter for myself. I don't know if it was a stroke of bad luck or bad coincidence but i missed almost every bus that day by a few seconds. I would see the bus passing by when i would just be about 5-10 steps from the bus stop. The worst part was to wait for 30 mins for another bus to come by! Having gone thr this ordeal, couldn't even accomplish the mission - didn't get the right size coat for him. A few antics i did:

1. Jumped across high voltage railway tracks
2. No jackets, no shoes on that cold morning
3. Didn't carry a bus schedule to where i was headed.

Finally when i thought it was all over and had this air of confidence over me - oh this is downtown i know it too well that i can walk blindfolded. "Never be too sure about anything" is what i learnt. There is this kallu guy who opened the emergency doors of the compartment next to mine just because he wanted to come and sit right across me. He sensed where i was going to get down and stood just behind me, singing all the way. Thanks to the announcement system in the train, the station was announced incorrectly. Being too nervous with a lot of luggage in hand i didn't notice the station i got down at. All these stations look so much similar. Nervous not finding anyone at the station, i started rushing towards the escalators with this guy right behind me. The moment i got out of the escalator i knew i was at the worng place. Acting on instinct i was looking for an immediate way out and surprisingly found the stairs leading to the street level. It was in a way a blessing in disguise. Had i got down at my designated station it was a long lonely 3-escalator way before i could have made it to the street level.
I always the grid map in my head, but it just didn't make any sense that day. Beleive it ornot, i circled the block 4 times going round and round until i asked someone for help and made it home!

Monday was quiet. Tuesday was terrific.

Autumn in New York this movie is so cool because of Richard Gere and Winona Ryder. But it lacks morality which is highly disgusting. How could one get to have a relationship with a woman as young as one's daughter..what is disturbing is the lady is the daughter of his one time girl friend! It lacks basic morals of human relationships.
However, the movie is fun to watch and has a very sad touching ending to it.

Wednesday is disappointing. I'm happy having found one good friend in life. I have always wondered why does everyone have some many friends and i, so few! But i guess its so nice to have a few on whom you can count on rather than have 100s of them on whom you can't reply upon. Today is disappointing because i didn't get something. V tells me so many times..no comparisons in life. Comparisons bring with them misery. I wanted the same that someone else has...since i didn't have it made me sad. Its like this quote from Animal Farm that i have always liked --

"Four legs good, two legs bad!"
"All animals are equal -- but some animals are more equal than others!"


Oh well.i don't want to be a pig..so am happy and that makes my day :)

Nothings that are somethings
I'm returning to my blog after a long time. This period has been marked by happiness, sadness, his and lows in my health and mood swings, stressful times and a lot of nothings :)
Well lets see what I did all this while..
Books :

I was too tempted to start with the books because I have been finishing them at an amazing speed. Almost one everyday despite the long stressful hours at work.
A few years ago, when I started reading novels, I had this crazy urge to finish all the novels written by Erle Stanley Gardner. And I did read about 60 of his books over 3 months. As all my other short lived interests, that too waned. I notice a similar pattern of late with Sandra Brown. So here are the books that I have read of late.

1. Thursday's Child - by Sandra Brown. Rating -3. One of those M & B types- I would say better than a typical M & B. All her books that I read after this follow a similar pattern - the man and woman have a hatred towards each other that slowly gives into passion and then unimaginable ever lasting love. However I think she matured into a better writer. Her earlier novels lack the intensity and the urge to complete the book. Most of her books run into a 200 odd pages. So one can started reading them at tea time and comfortably finish before dinner.

2.Angels and Demons - by Dan Brown. I can go on forever about this book. Its a classic novel. I have suggested this book to many of late. Though it was published about 2 years back it shot into limelight again because of the latest book by the same author - "The Da Vinci code". Angels and Demons has a lot of architectural details of the Vatican city and Rome, the details about swearing in of a new pope, the election process. Once you start reading it is very difficult to keep it down until completion. A highly recommended book for reading. No mushy details, no love affairs, no broken hearts and yet interesting -s o there definitely is something in it.

3. The Da Vinci Code - by Dan Brown. This is the latest one by Dan Brown. If you've read Angels and Demons this can be a lil boring. It is more of a factual book tracing the history of paintings by Da Vinci, tracing the history of Christ and so on. What I liked about this book - the significance of Phi, what Mona Lisa stands for , story behind the sarcastic smile on Mona Lisa's face, virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene and Christ, the Last supper and the woman sitting beside Christ...well I can go on and on. Oh yes and the details about the Louvre.

After reading the "Angels.." and "Da Vinci..." my urge to travel to France and Italy has all the more intensified. My passion for travel is at an all alltime low now however :(

4. Instant Millionaire - by Nora Roberts. I would say she falls in the same league as Sandra Brown. But if one is expecting the passion between the characters in Brown's novel, Roberts characters definitely lack it. Her descriptions are more straightforward and factual that lack fantasy. Both Roberts and Brown are authors of New York Times, have best sellers around the same time. but apart from that I don't find a striking chord.

5. Honor Bound - by Sandra Brown

6. In a class by itself - by Sandra Brown - I loved reading this one. Will not go into the details but I found some instance that I could co-relate to :) and smiled at myself that we were not the only ones to experience what we did :)

I'm reading a few more books now. will add them to the list in a few days when I'm done.


Movies

1. Mystic River. Rating -0
Starring Sean Penn and directed by Clint Eastwood, this was the most depressing movie I have seen in the recent times. Yet another movie that got rave reviews luring cinema goers into watching. Now I realize what a fool I had been to get up early Saturday morning and book tickets over the net anticipating it would get sold out soon. It had just been released. I'm not surprised now as to why the hall was not full!
It brought back some unpleasant memories of childhood and I strongly suggest don't see this movie. The acting and direction were phenomenal but the storyline wasn't. Human life is a joke that can be taken away at the shot of a gun! Faith - it is unheard of by the characters in the movie.

2. Philadelphia - Rating -5. I know this is a very old movie but I saw it only recently. No wonder Tom Hanks bagged the Oscar for this one. He is a class by himself. Somehow I end up comparing him with Aamir Khan. They don't have any striking similarities in appearances but yes both of them are way above their contemporaries in their portrayal of the characters they play. Both star in a movie once a year, are choosy about the roles and it almost always a runaway success.

3. Bang Bang you're dead - Rating -5. I'm sure its not a very well known movie. Its playing in showtime now. This play originally premiered in Arizona in 1999. Since then it has apparently been downloaded myriads of times at colleges. I simple love the movie and adore the character Josh. I even went to the extent of jotting down a couple of dialogues that impressed me. Can't find all of them now...there is one here - " Sometimes I hate being alive but I'm afraid to be dead". Its about the story of a kid who has to prove himself for being accepted everywhere - at home , at school, at play. He does his best and yet does not get acceptance. In the process he loses his own identity and shows to the rest of the world that it is HATE that the world understands. Parents pressure, peer pressure changes a kid so much that he will never be the same for the rest of his life. I'm sure somewhere each one of us can find a striking chord to our adolescent days.


People

Will not take names here. All I'm going to say is I have a met a few interesting people and a few disgusting ones. Rather not talk about the disgusting ones and spoil my mood. Looking forward to meet more of the interesting ones and know them better. The past few days, I have also started understanding why certain people behave the way they do. Why they act differently in the presence of someone, and differently when alone. Which is their true side. There is a streak of selfishness in everyone that forces them to behave the way they do. It could be anything from not losing the job to drawing someones attention to getting credit due to someone else. Its not a fair world after all. Best to keep ears and eyes open!


Oh well...thats it..Its a beautiful Sunday and am going to laze again :)

Aah...ooh...ouch!
Yes! Had a neck sprain that lasted for a good 3 days and then it vanished! Must have been the position i slept in.
This week has been the most craziest one i have ever known. The frenzy started last Friday with a hyped discovery! It was like one of those claims made by religious groups once every decade that the world is going to come an end and we would be doomed. One day after the D-day everything is forgotten..nothing happens because it never can...what remains is the madness, the frenzy and wasted time and efforts.It makes you feel so stupid but you are helpless :(
Weekend is back. Hope this turns out to be good. Hurricane Isabel is hitting the East Coast :( wreaking havoc.

Time to sleep.

He said! She said! I listened
Jumped out of bed @ 8 a.m. to begin this beautiful morning by switching on my laptop. My parents and brother were waiting to chat with me. I have been very patient this weekend....the past 2-3 days i have been a good punchbag, listening to alll that people had to say without responding - unusual of me. Here are a few of them:

He said "Laugh at yourself. Its pathetic" about the successes of my friends and my failures. It ironical that someone's success is measured by the BIG names you work for.

She said "There is an animal inside everyone". So true! The animal inside every man is just waiting for the right opportunity to quench its thirst of S.

Current state of mind:
He is coming. I wait eagerly.
He comes. I'm excited, delighted.
He goes. I'm torn apart.

He is coming. I wait.
He comes. I'm happy.
He goes. I'm sad.

He is coming. Doesn't make a diffrence.
He comes. So what?
He goes. Life goes on for me.

Its bliss
After a late dinner, geared myself to a design review. I don't take work back home usually unless its something i love to do. Fourth round of reviews isn't very entertaining but i don't have a choice today.
Instead of reviewing here am blogging. Couldn't resist jotting down the "high" moods in my blog...its a beautiful weathr outside...cool wind is gushing in thr my windows...the lake loooks so serene and beautiful ...steady flow of vehicles and "jaane kya hoga rama re" (just love this song....it has a strange haunting music to it) playing on some music station.. isn't it a perfect setting NOT to work?

I'm almost settled in this city of blues now. Got the cable connection today. What a 5 min pep talk and smile can do this country nothing else can.

Read this quote somewhere and it hit me hard - "Life is full of choices. Make some" - so true!

This world is small..i just saw these lyrics on some website. Call it conincidence or whatever but it describes a recent incident in my life ...
I knew someone who knew you
And he introduced me to you
Your ex - girlfriend had a boyfriend
Who kissed my girlfriend
Who dated Adrian

The world keeps on getting smaller and smaller
And everything comes back full circle, full circle
Six degrees of seperation
We all know someone else
It all comes full circle

It is irony that i wrote a e-mail today to someone i never wanted to be in touch with again! Time is a great healer!

Dinneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Am feeling hungry. How i wish i could have some delicacy prepared by mom...its been ages since i enjoyed her food.
The day started of with a news i have been longing to hear for days - he is coming and am so happppppyyy..can't wait to see him. Homecoming :)
Stepping into my office this morning, my eyes rested upon a dashing orange flier placed carefully on top of my keyboard. Looked like a promo from an advertising company from a distance..however on closer look it turned to be the menu of Indian restaurant in the neighbourhood. Very thoughtful of whoever's deed it was!

Days at work have been crazy of late..have you ever heard of anyone getting exhausted after writing tons of e-mails and blabbering thr the day..welll here i'm so tired that am toying with the idea of skipping dinner.

This week's highs .....
1. The thought of reading "Da Vinci Code" after reaching home. Am sure the next few weeks am going to b occupied with always a book in my hand. H surprised me yesterday morning by dumping 6 books on my desk.
2. Listening to old hindi fav music

Electronic vs Personal
There is a reason why mankind has always insisted on personal contacts than remote electronic ones.
What a 2 year electronic communication could not achieve a 30 min personal meeting did. E-mode is good to break the ice but to build a stronger relationship a personal touch is definitely needed. What is your take on this? There was this gentleman with whom i had been in touch with on and off over the past 2.5 years. Had never seen him. A casual series of e-mails yesterday led us to plan for a lunch this afternoon. I had the faintest idea of his looks. Had heard from friends that he is a well built man. Well it was a lil unusual of me! Maybe it was the confidence that he could identify one Indian amongst so many Americans and he DID. A very soft spoken and well mannered person. Presented him with a Ruskin Bond novel.

Today was a relaxed day @work. A friend from college got in touch. It was a pleasant surprise as i hadn't given her my number. She has even made plans to visit me later this month. Sounds great!
Meanwhile my "to-do" list for the weekend is growing at a phenomenal rate. Got to get stuff that would keep my warm b4 i freeze. Afterall staying by the lake has its own advantages/disadvantages :(

Oh well..its time to goto bed. Good Night world!

Loooooooong weekend is OVER!
Am the only one here who would be glad that the long weekend is over.
Saturday wasn't bad after all. It just that the rain spoilt Sunday and Monday's outings :(

The weeknd started on a good note with a wake up call from V @ 7:00 a.m. However i didn't come out of bed until 9:00 p.m. Just pulled the blinds up and let the sunrays fill my room with freshness. The sight of the distant sea and th sunrise is a feast to teh eyes evry morning. Woner ho its going to be in winter.
Lazed in the bed till 9:00 a.m. with a novel - Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. I strongly recommend this one. I'm surprised that book could draw my attention so much as this one did. One more recommended rea from the same author is Da Vinci Code. A colleague had passed this book of 575 odd pages on Monday and i was thr with it by Saturday - definitely faster by my standards.

Thanks to V - i went to see The Sears Tower all by myself. I must admit it was a breathtaking view from up there. However i'm told that the view from John Hancock is a lot better because of its proximity to the lake. When i exited from the Sears tower the queue ran to almost quarter a mile on Jackson Blvd.

Grabbed Fries and fudge for lunch and walked to Harold Washington Library Center. Got myself enrolled and got a couple of books issued. Its a huge library. Have promised myself to dedicate a Saturday in the next few weeks for just the library.

Did some shopping on State Street - marked by a few bizarre experiences that i dare not mention!