How life has changed ..all in a day's work

Life has changed so much in the past 5 months that it is hard to believe that I am the same person. This list is just to show the Lil General how he always kept me on the move.

Lil General is all of 70 cms but he keeps me on my toes all day. 2 grown-ups are not enough to handle this 5 month old kid.

"Let's eat out" has given way to "What's for dinner?" at home.

Then, I used to look at the cellphone every morning to see what time it is. If it was 7:00 a.m., it always meant I could be a slacker and tug in for another 10 more minutes. Now I rush to the bathroom at 6:15 a.m. and get stuff ready for him before he wakes up.

Then, I used to be an obsessive sleeper - going to bed by 10:00 p.m. come what may and turning the world upside down and letting everyone know if I didn't sleep well one night. Now, I can hardly remember the last time I slept uninterrupted for over 3 hours. Midnight feeds , diaper changing at 3:00 a.m. is part of the deal.

Talking about having your own space, I see he has taken half of my closet space and I would be lucky if I get about a feet in width on the bed to sleep through the night.

Then, mornings would start until I had a hot cup of tea with the newspaper in my hand. Now mornings end with a hot cup of tea. And some lucky days end with catching up the news.

On the brighter side, we would get tired of watching the idiot box on weekends and work nights. Now I can't remember the last time I switched on the TV. There is a 24*7 live entertainment channel at home, courtesy LG.

We indulged in retail therapy then and do so now. What has changed is for whom we buy. We go out to get something for us and end up buying stuff for him.

If there's one thing that has changed immensely, then it is my patience levels. Believe me, if nothing else, motherhood teaches you patience. Potty on one side, doorbell ringing, husband on a call, telephone ringing, mom on chat, vegetable burning on the stove and much more..I have learnt to handle all of this simultaneously without losing my cool. Of course, there are days when I get mad at everyone but everyone is entitled to a bad day, aren't they?

We don't eat when we are hungry. We eat when he is asleep or at least I do so.

Then, laundry could wait if we didn't feel up to it. Now, laundry can't wait and has to be done 2 times a day.

There is no room for laziness. His hunger can't wait. There are no Sundays and holidays. Every day is a Monday for me. No room for blues.

Then, our parents wouldn't call everyday. Now, they want to view their grandson on webcam everyday.

Then, we wouldn't know who our neighbours were. Now, boundaries diminish and neighbours come calling at all odd times to see the little one.

Then, domestic help took advantage because it was just us. Now, they are all the more sincere towards their work.

Then, I hardly had any woman friends. And I was pathetic at making small talk. Not that it has improved drastically but I'm doing a better job now in conversing with other women.

Bathing the baby, laundry, preparing his formula umpteen times, cooking for the family, comforting the baby to sleep, eating, entertaining guests, shopping, blogging , answering calls and more laundry..its all in a day's work now. Life can't get busier than this. Who said Parenting was easy? I wonder how working moms manage the show.

Finally, on a totally unrelated note : I loved this sentence I read on some one's blog ...We are committed to this roller coaster ride that is marriage. I just really prefer the peaks to the valleys.

How to write a matrimonial bio-data?

There have been umpteen requests on how to write a matrimonial bio-data, hence this post.
Following are the key constituents of a matrimonial bio-data:

Personal details

1. Name


2. Date of birth


3. Height


4. Weight


5. Complexion


6. Habits (drinking/smoking)


7. Educational Qualification. Which college did you go to?


8. Where you work currently? Place and organisation


9. Annual Income if you wish to reveal

Family Details

1. Father's name, educational qualification, where he works/worked. Where does he live currently and where are they settled?


2. Mother's name, working/housewife?


3. No. of sisters/brothers. Married or single? Where do they work and reside? what does your brother-in-law or sister-in-law do? If they are studying, then where etc?

Details required for horoscope generation and matching:

1. Time of birth


2. Place of birth

In addition to this, if the horoscope is available then only these are needed for matching:

1. Remaining dasa


2. Gothram like Kousigam, Garga etc


3. Star like Magam, Poosam etc


4. Raasi and Navamsam squares

Format of bio-data
It helps to have a soft copy format and hard copy. For soft copy you can either get a nice PDF done or Word doc.

A blogging milestone..

4 years and 2 blogs. This blog "reflections" started in April 2003 and on last count, I have authored 445 posts. The other one on Pregnancy started in October 2006 (there are a lot of backdated posts because I wanted them in the chronological order of occurrence as a reminiscence of my pregnancy) has 115 posts till date. The name of this blog has changed from "The Pregnancy Journal" to "Pregnancy and Parenting" to "Lil General Rules"

A lot of posts that appear on these blogs deem fit in either of them so it is just a momentary decision that I make as to which one of them they should go to. Like the one on Child Rearing : Are grad parents being exploited? is an ideal candidate for the Pregnancy blog or the one titled How to raise a child multilingual and Guilt and motherhood can be featured here too.

Readership has not increased substantially and that is not my idea either to promote my blog by leaving comments and linking to a zillion places. You might ask, whats the point in blogging then? Well, that's the only thing that takes my mind off other mundane things, so I indulge in it or waste my time :) and sometimes lose my sleep over it. I love the fact that a few of my friends have been reading what I write in this space the past 3 years and have come back often to tell me what they liked and what they did not. I don't resent their criticism but I do if it comes from unknown quarters that makes no sense, which is perhaps why I haven't been able to reinstate the comment section on this blog yet. I'm not here to make a few extra bucks or to network with other momma bloggers or reveal myself totally so as to attract undue attention.

Child rearing : Are grand parents being misused?

This is too sensitive a topic that might actually put off a few of my friends / acquaintances. But a topic so close to my heart that I've been itching to write ever since Lil General was conceived and born. The opinions expressed here are mine and the conversations that I've had a with a few wise and elderly people. If you do not subscribe to them, then so be it.

Last week on a brief transit at Bangalore en route Pune, we stayed over at a relatives'. After exchanging pleasantries, the uncle asked me, "So who is coming over to take care of the kid - your parents or his?". It was 6:30 a.m. and needless to say I was startled at the question but one that I had got used to replying without thinking. Vivek was not a party to this conversation but our thoughts on the issue are the same. Below is an excerpt of our conversation that provoked this post:

Me : No one.

Uncle : "You are not returning to work after 6 months?"

Me: "No. I have resigned and am going to stay home and look after the baby."

Uncle :" A good decision. Its difficult to believe it though. What about Vivek's/your parents? Aren't they coming over to look after the kid?"

Me: Re-emphasising my point, I said, "Yes and No. Yes, they are coming over but only visiting us to spend some good time with their first grand-child. Not to take care of him. I want both set of parents to enjoy their retirement and old age doing things that they have always wanted to. If it is religion calling at this age, then let them visit temples. Or just go around see places. They have missed out on so much to rear us. Things were not the same then as they are now and who knows it better than your generation. Today, Lil General traveled by second a/c that will be followed by a flight travel in a little while from now. All this while he is just 4 months old. Not a big deal for the kids of today. But it was a dream come true for most people in your generation and not something affordable back then. Our parents raised us working hard, very hard making sacrifices and giving up on the luxurious life just so we could get good education. Now when they can afford all the luxuries of life, we want them to enjoy all the pleasures and not be bound to raise a child all over again so that I can pursue my career."

Uncle : "I am very happy to hear that and if job is not a necessity then it is our advice that you don't. When I say this to people, I am branded as outdated and a old
man."

He continues as an after thought and the conversation goes on for an hour.

Uncle : "I am pained by what I see around me. A niece of mine has called over her grandmother aging over 75 to take care of her kid while she goes to work. The grandpa is very much alive and in Chennai while the granny is here at Bangalore. Grandpa's food is a problem and they can't get him over here for the expense would shoot up. So many such instances ..I told my kids that expanding their family will be their own decision and do not expect us to come and take care of your kids.If you can financially afford it and logistically manage it, then please do so. Kids misuse us. They think if we don't work and are over 60, its the end of life. It is no longer my need to stay with aunty. I would like to go for a evening walk or to a temple with her. Yet another niece of mine left her kid for 6 months to travel to Us with her husband. I cannot understand this."

After Lil General was born, people often asked me one question, "When are you going back to work?" Now either they didn't take me seriously when I said I have resigned and am going to be a stay-at-home-mom taking care of Lil General or they thought I was being foolish and emotional who would would eventually change her mind. This is natural in today's times,isn't it? which is me going back to work within 6 months.

When the status quo changes from "Double Income No Kids" to Single Kid, people very much like to keep the "Double Income" part of the proposition intact. There is nothing wrong if the mom decides to pursue her career after a kid. What I can't understand is the idea of a parent coming over to take care of your kid while you goto work. This is not stuff that Hindi movies are made of but one that you see so widely prevalent in today's metros,U.S in the high income IT households. Maybe I live in the ancient ages, but these were our thoughts :

1. We would have been utterly selfish to separate mom from dad or grandpa from granny to have one of them move in with us. I went through hell for the 6 months because I couldn't bare the thought of my mother staying away from dad for my delivery and urged her to return despite Lil General's health. But parents love is unconditional and in emergencies it knows no bounds. Isn't expecting them to come away from their own home and their comfort zone to stay with you asking for too much?


2. It was our decision to conceive a child. So it was our responsibility to have worked out the financial aspects before doing so. And logistics. Parents never say no and one might think they will be happy to raise their grandchild but thats taking undue advantage.


3. Have you ever wondered that they would have to think twice to go on a month's vacation if they take up this responsibility. So much has to be sacrificed - relatives' weddings, funerals ....or that festival that they always wanted to attend but couldn't all these years because it was either their kids' exams or no leave from office.


4. If I find it difficult at 29, to run after Lil General and make his formula umpteen times a day, how can I expect my parents to be running around after him all through the day. They are only growing older.


5. How can I expect my dad/father-in-law to clean my son's potty?


6. People who know me would also know how restless a creature I am. But that doesn't mean to satisfy my whims and fancies I can shirk from my duty. Can I? If at all I decide to go back to work for whatever reasons, I would have to get a domestic help and not look towards my parents/in-laws for everything. Emergency is different.

Agreed, there are instances where there is a dire financial need. But I know so many of them where they skip a domestic help because mom/mom-in-law has agreed to come over.

With disposable incomes increasing, is there no end to our greed?
Is there no end to our wants?

As Indians, we are quick to adapt everything western. Then why not this trait. How many American's have you seen where in grandparents stay for months on end to rear their grand children?

Is it always "I, US"? Is it our boredom that matters above parent's happiness and freedom.

Does 50 years and above mean end to life? If you were 50, would you do this?

As we go global, has our thinking gone so local?

After retirement is one of the best times in a person's life. Free from his duties of getting daughter married or son educated, parents feel relieved. So lets not bound them by our timetable. Let us give them the freedom of when and how they want to visit us and how long they want to stay with us. If we can't give them happiness, then lets atleast try and not make them sad.

I would like to hear your side of the story.

Updated: Glad to have discovered this link Granny or Nanny

Back in action : 4 months and living life king size

If you've missed me and my stories on this space, then good. I'm back with more fun stories of how I've been entertaining the world and keeping everyone on my toes.

I'm a lot smarter now than when I was just 2 months old. Mommy cannot expect me to finish my bottle in 5 mins and carry on with her work. I know how to hold the bottle with my hands now when I want milk. I also know how to kick the bottle with my legs whenever she feeds carrot juice instead of milk. No tricks!

I had a lot of baby's day out days the past 2 months. And let's not get started on the pilgrimage. Granny and mom were all too eager to take me to one temple in every town.

I was happy to see the oldies in the family - great grannies and great grandpa. They seem healthier than my mom.

2 road trips, 1 train journey and 1 flight journey in a month is too much for this Lil General. I enjoyed the road trip of all - gazing at the car and outside. I hated the train journey and so did mom. Used to sleeping on a king size bed, the second a/c berth was too compact to hold me and mom. So I pushed her down...poor mom cuddled in one corner all through the night. Flight was fine. I don't get what the fuss was all about ...oh yea I was scared to death for a sec during that rough landing at Pune..

The heat is killing me. I would trade in anything in this world to see the fan running all day. My hairs stand up anytime I see someone approaching the switchboard. Stay away from it folks. The torture of the Electricity board guys is enough.

I can turn back and forth within seconds, sleep on my tummy for hours on stretch, sometimes through the night.

Mommy decided to put me on formula because I didn't behave myself - so I'm a Nan baby now. She is making me diet conscious by feeding me carrot juice. Let me grow and I will put her on Atkins' diet.

I enjoy the daily oil massage momma gives followed by the hot water bath.

I don't need no milk and no juice. I can grow big by sucking on my thumb all day. If my thumbs are not enough I borrow mommy's too. Sometimes when mom feeds the bottle I fool her by not sucking the bottle, instead by slipping my thumbs.

I'm home at Pune with The Seniol (my dad). The place is so different than what I've seen in my life. I miss my granny and Yuko - my dear friend. However, I've got new friends here - polu, buco kidoo, pilu, stualt's mom and buci.

The smile comes in all sizes and shapes - a special one for every person and every occasion. I love my voice and my screaming is enough to keep neighbors at bay.