My Pregnancy Journal - a week by week chronicle

It is time to announce my other blog titled Lil General Rules that I've been writing for a while now. A word of caution before I proceed further..since most of the regular readers of this blog are men, I think it is important to state this so that you and I are not embarrassed ...Career, Pregnancy and Kids as the name implies is a week by week chronicle of what I've gone through since April..there is nothing gross in there yet that would make your stomachs churn. Having said that, there isn't anything juicy or interesting like Formula 1 either. Its all mundane, boring stuff on weight loss, weight gain, blood tests, martial arts of the baby, visits to the doctor and some unanswered questions as i took a break in my career -- which I am sure you can live without if your wife is not expecting. If you are single, then all the more better..don't even bother to click the link.

If I still have your attention, go ahead and read it.

Categories: pregnancy,, blog

What the heck is "Social Networking"?

"Are you on Orkut?" asked a old friend a few months back. I replied in the negative. For once, contrary to my Aquarean nature, I did not have the curiosity to try this so-called 'social networking' site that I had heard about in fleeting conversations over lunch at work. Establishing a direct impact on productivity, organizations have gone to the extent of blocking Orkut and other such sites as MySpace, Friendster and LinkedIn.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing this post is because the talk about Orkut has been rekindled with more mentions in the past few weeks from different sources. So I signed up and started exploring and reading others 'scraps'. Note to myself - got to check why they came up with this name 'scrap'.. My only other presence, sorry existence, on the networking sites is in LinkedIn, thanks to Tom B @ Qualcomm. LinkedIn, I guess serves its purpose being a business networking site. ? After a few days of mindless browsing of Orkut and a expression of awe on my face as I saw a few pictures after almost seven years of college, I decided this wasn't for me.

If you are a big fan of these social networking sites, please tell what the heck is social networking and why do you do this? I'm looking for a better answer than "Oh I found a school friend with whom I lost touch for the last decade. Internet is GOD".
Here is one cool article on Fast Company titled "What the heck is Social Networking? I think Jonathan does a lot of justice in answering honestly the real motive of these sites ---

What if there was a way to meet people online through your friends? This would be better for dating, but it would also be better for things that weren't dating. So I started thinking about a dating site that wasn't about dating. Buddy lists where you know everybody and online discussions where things are totally open have been basically how people interact. That's not how we interact in the real world. I wanted to build something in the middle.

People sign up who wouldn't sign up for a traditional dating site. And people seek contact who wouldn't normally do so. We also hear about the Friendster addict. When people first sign up, there's usually a little frenzy, but that can't continue forever. People care about people, and Friendster is all about people. It's also all hypertext. You see one person, and they have an interesting-looking friend. They have a testimonial from another person, and you find that you're connected to that person. Some people say that Friendster is ruining their life and that it got them fired.

Well well, he begins with a honest explanation and then it is all promotion which could be true to an extent. Do you have a lot of time on your hands? Is it really about catching up with old friends or finding new ones? Open conversations? Or is it just entertainment - a IM equivalent? Or am I just being an anti-social animal?

Choosing a name for the baby

You might ask "What's in a name?". I'm glad that nature mandates a nine month period to have a baby as it can take longer to choose a name that satisfies everyone's whims and fancies. Else "100 baby names" wouldn't be in the top 100 Google Search terms.

Experienced new parents and family have for months posed this question to Vivek and I, "Have you decided a name yet?" We kept replying, "What's the hurry? There is still time." The reality was I had loads of other things to take care of like nausea, indigestion, heartburn, breathlessness to name a few and "name" did not figure high on the priority. With a lot of time now, I have taken up this "project" and what did not seem a hair splitting problem then is definitely one now.

I will let you in on a little secret. The truth is we had settled for the name "Akshat" which happened by accident. Way back in March, Vivek was handed his Medical Insurance card along with those of his dependents. He had only one dependent then (myself) but was handed over 2 cards - one for Lakshmi Nagarajan and the other for his 'so-called' son - 'Akshat Jain' ...yea yea I wouldn't go into the blunders insurance companies make. Anyway, we had a hearty laugh and later when LG was on the way, we thought why not "Akshat". If it is a girl, add a "a" and it becomes "Akshata" - how convenient. This is what I like about Indian names. "Vijay" becomes "Vijaya".

Apparently, no one likes the name "Akshat" in family, so here after a week's brainwork and deciding I'm not creative enough, I'm asking you all to send in suggestions for LG for a girl and a boy. A good friend, SK made my job easier by formulating some ground rules and here they are ---
Read more

1. It must not be too common a name: like ‘Amit’. Your id deserves individuality and there is a sea of names to choose from.


2. It must not be a name that your kid would curse you for: This is complementary to rule 1> above. (‘Khug’ tops our hit list here.)


3. Not too difficult to pronounce, a Indian name that is not too Americanized. No 'ksh'. 'Lakshmi' always becomes 'Lashhhhmi'


4. It must not be too long: He/she will have a lot of forms to type/write out in his/her life. Please spare the kid the trouble.


5. It should be a name that can be naturally (phonetically-speaking) abbreviated: (‘Adi’ instead of ‘Aditya’, for instance). Since you will be screaming after your kid all the way to his/her adult life, the abbreviated name comes in handy. Else, you will have to cook up some other pet name like ‘Pappu’, ‘Bunty’, ‘Happy’…


6. It must have a nice and uncomplicated meaning to it: If one has to explain the meaning of the name to someone (Indian or otherwise), one shouldn’t have to begin narrating a mythological tale that lasts a fortnight.


7. It should not be from Maneka Gandhi’s ‘Book of Hindu Names’: Why? Refer to point 6> above.


8. It must not be a composite name, formed by performing complex String operations on the names of the parents: (‘Raveena’ = Ravi + Veena; Siya = Seema + Ashish). Again, your kid deserves individuality.


9. It should not be a name that has an almost patented regional overtone: [‘Miral’ / ‘Hetal’: patently Gujarati; ‘Mrinmayee’: patently Maharashtrian; ‘Vaijayanthi’: patently Tamil; ‘Asamanya’ / ‘Bibhuti’: patently Bengali/Orissi], although some such names do sound really nice and exotic, if you ask me.


10. It should not be a name that’s already in the family: Individuality again.(You have already decided on this; so, that’s good.)


11. It should not be a name that sounds as if you are trying to clear your throat.

If nothing works, then there's always these to choose from - Lil General, Polu, Bozo, Yuko and Buco Kidoo."

The Final Countdown

Officially, today is the begining of the 9th month. It can happen anytime after this is what I'm told...naturally the pampering has multiplied a zillion times. Now I call myself the "fat lazy pregnant lady" who sleeps, eats, excretes and repeats the cycle all over again without getting off her a*. And if neither one of the above happensas it should, then I rattle that question "why can't humans reproduce like snakes and what was granny thinking when she gave birth to 11 kids?"

I have been out of work for nearly two months now and it has been amazing so far - contrary to what I feared. Ofcourse, pangs of guilt hit me often - for lazing around when a plethora of opportunities are knocking at my door and me not earning. Taking one day at a time doing freelancing when I wish to, Tanjore painting, solving Sudoku puzzles, GTalking....

Disclaimer: The foul language is not me talking. Its the effect the weight is having on my senses or so I would like you to think.

Good Performer Resigns, Should I Make a Counteroffer?

"Good Performer Resigns, Should I Make a Counteroffer?" was the topic for discussion posted in the forum in this week's Workforce Newsletter. The question was catchy enough to draw my attention as I reflected upon the numerous instances when ex-peers, seniors and subordinates had resigned only to withdraw it weeks later after those closed-room "negotiations".

My question to both sides.
Firstly, if you are a manager and a highly valued person in your team resigns. This can trigger a ripple effect demotivating the rest of the team members. What should you do?

1. Firstly, would you make a counteroffer to anyone and everyone who resigns? my instinct says no.


2. Secondly, would you try and find out the real reason behind why the person has decided to go? In most cases, there is more to the 'money' story. It is not just because of the money factor or a 30% increase that a person decides to go. In my cases, it wasn't.


3. Do you have the authority to make a counteroffer or is it just promises in the air for the moment?


4. What are you reasons for making this counteroffer and is it worth it? Have you thought of the repercussions this can create? Wouldn't this entice others to follow the same route and set a bad example?


5. Now the trickier part, you are a good manager and you knew well in advance the person was looking out for reasons that are beyond your control to be changed. The pep talks help only for a week in keeping the person motivated. What should you do?

A counteroffer need not always be monetary based though in most cases it is. A lot of times it is a bargain for a designation or a location change - the ever so lucrative onsite assignment in the IT industry. To put it bluntly, I call it blackmailing or bargaining. It is a situation where you say "you either give me what I want or I go".

Second scenario, you are the person creating this ripple - the one who has put in the papers. Counteroffers galore. What should you do? I have been in this position myself 2 times - once at Tata Infotech and the next at GE.

1. Are you clear in the head? Do you know the reasons why you started looking out?


2. If the counteroffer is a princely increase than your new offer, should you stick on overlooking all the other reasons?

My personal "Code book of Professional Ethics" has one golden rule - Never ever withdraw your resignation. You resigned for a reason and it is less likely the situation has changed. To believe that no one in the workplace would know of the "deal" is fooling yourself. I have known instances where managers making the counteroffer in a desperate attempt to retain the team member to keep the project going has resorted to revengous ways soon (sure, you make them feel a loser in the bargain). The water cooler gossip mongers wouldn't stop either. To keep your word and dignity, I always advise to stick to your word and go. And for managers, "let go" if its all official. Don't blame yourself for the situation if you know you have tried.

The respect Lil General commands ....

With 33 weeks over and the 34th week underway, the bump is drawing wide-eyed glares from passers by on the street as I go for my evening stroll. Mom had so much trouble getting our empty cylinder refilled here as it lay idle for over an year. I accompanied her to the cylinder station and there you go, we got it in 2 day's time on "humanitarian grounds". Not a day has passed when I have not got goodies from the neighbours - varieties of dishes and snacks to munch upon. In the shopping malls, on the streets, name it and its all respect for LG. For once in these 8 months, I am enjoying it :)

At home, the house is getting geared for the Lil General's arrival. Closet arranged with LG's clothes, getting the bag ready to dash to the hospital at any time of the day/night, getting the room in order when we arrive home, a place to hang LG's washed clothes ..I'm just running out of the numerous things mom keeps doing the whole day and there's still so much in her to-do list. I dare imagine how it would have been without her..

Baby Shower : Valakappu

Baby Shower is a tradition that is followed in many cultures across the world. It is a special way of welcoming a new life in to the world and showing that you care. It is usually hosted by family/friends for the pregnant woman.

In India too it is observed in some states though called by different names such as godh barai in the North or Valakappu in Tamil Nadu. In Tamil Brahmins, Valakappu is performed in the eighth month of pregnancy in the mother's house and Seemantham in the mother-in-laws house during the seventh month of pregnancy. However, of late both these functions are performed together either on the same day or on consecutive days keeping in mind the long hours it takes for the rituals to be completed which can be very exerting for the pregnant woman.

My valakappu was celebrated on 3rd November at Trichy. We skipped the Seemantham function. The dat began with me and everyone waking up at 4:30 a.m., granny (usually mother-inlaw does this) put some ceremonial oil on the forehead and I took the ritual oil shower. Following this, I was given a black sari..this is the only function when a black colored dress is worn. Black is symbolic to warding off evil spirits.. Adorning two flower garlands, I sat down while granny made a Ganesha (elephant faced god) out of turmeric and water. all functions begin with a prayer to Vigneshwara (another name of Lord Ganesha). She followed this by slipping 2 bangles in the hands of my cousin, any small girl would do.

Female relatives and friends who had come down for the function sang devotional songs while granny slipped two bangles on each of my arms made out of twigs/grass tied together. This act is supposed to the child from evil spirits. Then about 5 ladies slipped glass bangles in my arms totalling to 21 on the right hand and 20 on the left. Only red and green bangles made of glass are supposed to be worn for this function. it was a lil different with the ladies just touching the bangles and then handing them over to my dad. he is adept in putting me bangles as I have a very weird arm with bones poking at every corner. Finally granny smeared turmeric paste on my arms and feet. This was followed by another function called poochoodal in which delicacies made of white and brown color (21 each) were tied around by waist. 2 small kids were asked to pick one delicacy. The color they pick is a superstitious way of guessing the gender of the child. In my case, both the kids picked appam which meant it would be a girl child cotrary to everyone's opinion. So lets see what LG turns out to be.

Though there have been times, when the education makes you question the relevance of such superstitious traditions and beliefs, it is amazing how rich our tradition is and there is apparently a valid and sensible reason why these rites were performed. What has got diluted over the years is the way it is done..and ignorance of why something is done. If only we had that knowledge it would be amazing..it remains to be seen how many generations can take this forward..

Categories: valakappu, seemantham,
baby shower

Live from Trichy

Turns out Lil General did not want to travel on Oct 20th so we all had to reschedule our trip for the 28th with a day's break at Bangalore. V and I finally reached Trichy last Monday after a night's stay at Vinay's place. It was nice to meet Neetu after an year. On second thoughts, I don't really miss Bangalore now except for friends there. The traffic has multiplied n times and so have the malls that have mushroomed across the city. It is going to be a tough deal going back to Bangalore someday ...people swarming around the city like warms with every other road being a made a one-way, it is no pleasant driving or traveling there.

Trichy,a southern Indian city in the state of Tamil Nadu, is no better either now. But the good part is the neighbourhood we reside in now has good infrasturcture and facilities. While it takes a month to get a broadband connection in Pune's suburbs, it just took 2 days here. It has been a fun filled amazing one week - a family get together of sorts, good food -- all that makes for a good life!